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10 Ways To Be A Miserable Worshiper (Show #39)
#NotAboutYou (Video Below)
You may not realize it, but your complaints in the church, can really make you a highly effective worshiper. In fact, it can even upgrade your position from being a Bible following member to a the coveted Bible Book Throwing Member. …Don’t forget about earning your special free trial membership in the Church Staff Excommunication Club.
Do you think you have what it takes? You too can be a true Worship Leading Complainer and Miserable Worshiper. Here’s how…
1. Get Upset That Your Worship Leader Can’t Lead Worship As Good As Jesus – That’s right. Nobody can do music better than Jesus. In fact, even if Jesus were leading worship at your church, it still would not be up to your standards. Who says that God hears both Traditional and Contemporary music all the same – it’s all worship to Him – is this really found in the Bible? – Yes we know that John 4.23 says “Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.” but why be boring? – Why be your average worshiper, when you can be a worship complainer. Just tell ’em like it is. Really.
2. Bothered That Your Worship Leader and Pastor Won’t Give-in To Your Demands – Don’t get mad, get madder. No need to go to your brother as in Matthew 18; just go to the top. Skip over verse 15 and gang up on them by going straight to the church. Be sure to do this also during church voter meetings. You never liked those drums anyway…
3. Believe That It’s Not God’s Church, It’s Yours Because You Paid For The Carpet. – You also voted for that New Sound System, now it’s time to have your own dedicated preset “me” button. Besides, those speakers just don’t look as good as that once lovely flower arrangement. – We know that Acts 2.44 says “Now all the believers were together and held all things in common,” but isn’t that favorite seat in the worship center (I’m sorry, it used to be called the “Sanctuary”) still yours??
4. Play “Pin The Tail” On The Worship Band – Point out every mistake. Speak out about what they wear and how they stand on the platform. As far as music goes…take it to the limit…one more time. – Remember what Jesus said in Matt 7, verse 3? “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Well, there’s no mention of “what you hear” regarding music, so go right ahead. – Yep, that guitar player again missed that C#m7 chord.
The drummer was slightly off on that drum fill (too much crash cymbal), the singer forgot her words for the third time. And what was that Worship Leader doing with the hair thing? – Be sure to encourage them that they need to cling more to Jesus – tighter than a pair of skinny jeans.
5. When The Sound Is Too Loud, Throw A Two-Year Old fit to the Audio/Media Tech. – You have complete permission to go straight to the Audio Engineer and tell ’em that it’s just plain too loud. And no, you’re not going to sit somewhere else away from the speaker!! – Keep in mind what David said in Psalms 64.1 “Hear me, my God, as I voice my complaint; protect my life from the threat of the enemy.” – Don’t forget to tell them that they messed up on getting the church the wrong color of ear plugs. You liked last Sunday’s better.
6. Fold Your Arms And Frown During The Music/Worship Time – Your arms are way more comfortable when held this way. And nothing says “displeased” than a big old-fashioned country frown. – Psalms 100.2 says” “Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.” However, you can still be glad while tightly squinting your eyes. Just say you’re really smiling hard. – Besides, you can still be joyful when you try to out-sing the worship leader. Go ahead, try singing your old favorite hymn against that new contemporary-what-ever version. Slow down that tempo and be sure to hold that note correctly on the end of the refrain. Loud and proud.
7. Don’t Invite Your Friends To Church Because It’s Not The Way You Use To Do Things In Church Anymore – Just be sick one Sunday and have the church come to you. After all, James 5.14 says :”Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church.” – No need to invite your friends. If they took your parking spot away, what’s the point? Besides, they installed that electric car charging station for the youth minister.
8. Be Sure To Come Late To The Service / After The Music When Everyone Shows Up To The Sermon – Jesus did say: “Then Jesus said, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.” …He wasn’t talking about the music. – Being present in the church body, does not say you love each other that much. It just says you need a little space from the new comers. – Remember, you have the power to stay in the foyer and drink coffee as long as you like. It’s hazelnut cream this Sunday.
9. Come Mad and Come Ready To Gossip (Before You Lay-Aside Your Gift At The Altar) – Should we really coach you any further on what to do here? – Colossians 4.6 does say: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” …But a little pepper every now wouldn’t hurt.
10. Point Out All The Misspelled Words and Slides During Worship – You’re a great proofreader; after all, somebody needs to do it. Be sure to mention that there are too many words on one slide and you miss the old days of the overhead. Also, don’t forget to mention that the person operating the slides can’t follow and is too slow. – You can still fulfill your mission according to 1 Thess. 5.13 “and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work.”
BONUS ROUND: Get Upset That The Worship Band Didn’t Play Your Song! – There was a church parishoner one day that complained to a church staff person about how the worship leader didn’t sing their song. The staff member looked back in complete disgust. He took a moment to pause in grief. Looking back at the church member, the pastor had the nerve to say: “Well…next time when we worship you, we will do your songs.”
Unbelievable?!! Be reminded of what Eph. 5.19 says: “speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord,” It said the word “HYMNS” not contemporary music. It also said speaking, not singing. Besides, you can’t sing in those high keys anyway. It makes your vibrato faulty.
DISCLAIMER: All kidding aside, this article is intended to be in fun – not directed to anyone, but to ourselves. No matter what, we all fall short. The truth is we are to make worship more about God and less about us. According to Hebrews 13.15, as the Church, we are to do the following…”Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise–the fruit of lips that openly profess his name.”
Each of these points are indeed humorous as many can relate, but the intent of using Scripture in each point is to show the opposite, of what we really should be doing as the Church. We are to worship the Lord according to the Bible. As Jesus indicated in Matt 15.9 says: “They worship me in vain; their teachings are merely human rules.'” we are to worship the Lord by a true and contrite spirit. (Psalm 51.17) The Church is the Body of Christ, not a body to ourselves. Worship truly does belong to God, as He invites man to participate for His glory.
@BranonDempsey @worshiptt
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