Podcasts / Devotionals

Conquering Critics and Facing-down Complaints Ep. 221

August 31, 2020

Learn the CALM Approach

Conquering Critics and Facing-down Complaints Ep. 221
Branon Dempsey

In today’s session, we will cover: 
* CALM
* Consider
* Ask
* Listen
* Move

If your brother sins against you, go and confront him privately. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, regard him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.…

Most people know Matt 18, but not everyone follows it well. They are good about confronting others, but may not do so well on the listening side.

Learning and operating on a basis of CALM helps you stand in positive gravity. Everyone has an opinion, good or bad - that’s ok. Critiques can be good and bad also. Good critiques only help you grow - the key here is to be esteemed. Back critiques, if you let them can stunt your growth. - the key here is to not be offended.

The main issue is learning how to function back from Eric about this for yourself and respecting the boundaries of others to make conscious decisions without turning issues and to emotional turmoil.

Much of the time we confuse perception with personalities. You don’t have to own anybody’s perception about you, just like you are not responsible for anyone’s personality. 

Both are valid, and it comes down to the decisions you make for you to create a healthy world, a humble positive view of yourself and showing grace and mercy to people.


Point 1
Every time when somebody has something to bring to you in terms of conflict, 99% of the time, it has to do with them. And the one out of the 99 is the main thing you can learn from the person and about yourself. So consider the them first.

Consider 
- Consider people first
- Coming from good place or bad place?
- Are they helping? Learn and be humble
- Are they hurting? Learn and be gracious

When you move through the Consider part, you will learn more about the source. 
Are they trusted people and can you trust what they are saying? 
Is what they are saying true and can you benefit?
In every case, you can't be offended because it skews your ability to handle the situation objectively.

Scripture: Philippians 2:3


Point 2
The best way to get down to the truth of the issue is to ask questions instead of assumptions. Much of the conflict between people is what they assume about each other and not seeing the real objective truth.

Ask
- Ask questions to learn how they feel
- Filter your questions w/o how you feel
- Repeat what they said to you - in a question
    - So, I hear you say ____ and you feel ____?
- Ask about the facts / steer clear of emotion

When you are open and show concern about the problem it can bring out humility. It also shows that you are actively in-tune with the person. You're reliable, consistent and are not quick to judge. If they can't be trusted, or what there brining you is not valid, then you know it's the 99% - not about you factor.

Scripture: James 4:6


Point 3
Listen - listening can be the hardest thing to do when you’re mad - again, don't be offended so you can listen and learn. When you're offended, you're not loving.

If you want to work through the problem, you need to first not personalize the issue, which in turn can cause anger. In order to listen to the other person without inserting your own opinions or thoughts in your mind, you’ll have to extinguish momentarily anxiety, fear, anger or feelings of conflict. 

- Validate their opinion/comment/critique
    - "I can see why you feel this way"
- Empathy is identifying how they feel
- Listen not to the emotion, but the circumstance

- Listening helps you understand them
- Listening helps you hear the solution
- Listening tells them you care
- Listening tells them it's important


- If it's the 99% heated air, you can let them vent w/o taking you down. This is where your boundaries come in to place. Where you end and they begin.
- Bottom-line, if you let them get it out, the fire will die-down and you can deal with the ember. Just don't let them take you into the fire.

Scripture: Proverbs 15:1


Point 4.
Move Forward and Respond
- Thank them for bringing you the issue
- Seek a mutual resolve
- If no resolve / table-it
- Always take the high road



Conclusion
Let this CALM approach make you a better person. Watch how God will use it to teach you new things about yourself and about others.

9 times out of 10, you will always learn something valuable. It could be knowing how to help people, and maybe, how to stay out of their way!

Bottom-line in ministry, you will save yourself a lot of dysfunction when you learn how to handle yourself and people in the CALM way.

CALM:
Consider
Ask
Listen
Move Forward



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    Author Bio

    Branon Dempsey

    Branon Dempsey is the founder and CEO of Worship Team Training and Worship Team Training University WTTU.co He has over twenty years of leading worship and teaching worship theology, music and songwriting for churches ranging from 500 to 5,000 members. He has had the opportunity to train and study worship at Maranatha! Music as well as some of the most well-known churches in the country, including Coast Hills Church, and Saddleback Church, where Rick Warren is pastor. Branon Dempsey holds an M.Div in Worship Theology and Worship Arts, along with a Bachelors of Music in Composition and Performance, along with an emphasis in worship leader training by Maranatha and Integrity Music. Branon is a devotional writer for Bible.com Youversion and selling author / teacher with Faithlife (Logos Bibles) for worship teaching and training material. WTTU exists to help individuals understand their personality, their learning style and their spiritual maturity, which, in turn, helps the individuals sharpen their quality development and gain the needed confidence to reach the upward call of God in Christ Jesus Ephesians 2:10 and Philippians 3:14. Follow Branon: @BranonDempsey @worshiptt

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